THE BITCH IS BACK
BK welcomes back beloved spokesman for launch of gay burger
Plattsmouth (NE) - The two biggest moments of BK Bob's life happened yesterday: his longtime companion and personal manager Steve got down on one knee and proposed; the other, when fast food giant Burger King called him at home and offered him a job.
"They said they were launching a new gay-themed menu item called the Homo Burger and they wanted me to represent it," a beaming Bob reported. "The ironic part was that they didn't even know I was queer - I was in the closet - and chose me purely on the virtues of my child molestation case. I guess I appeal to the "Perv" demographic. The fact that I'm gay is just lube on the rim so to speak."
The Homo Burger was the inspiration of BK's marketing guru, a guy in Plattsmouth named B.C. "Pink buns, hot meat, ropey strands of mayo all over the damn thing. That's a gay goddamn burger, I don't care who you are," said B.C., lifting his arm over his head and scratching the middle of his back. "But they got the name all wrong. Backdoor Burger. Pow. Fags running, walking, crab walking to their nearest Burger King. Homo Burger?" B.C. said with a sneer. "Those fatcats up at corporate need to stop giving each other Texas Chili Bowls and shut up and mail me some more food discounts."
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