$35 for a bong?

I'll break this fucking water pipe

over your greasy hippy head you

goddamn punk!

BK Smells Success

With New Menu Item

Will BK's New Bathroom Burger Sink or Float?

Omaha (NE) - This week Burger King introduced a controversial new menu item, the BK Bathroom Burger, to mixed reviews.

With a toilet seat shaped bun, beef patty, swiss cheese, and tangy Stool Sauce, the unusual burger comes with a twist: it's actually grilled, assembled and served right in the restrooms.

"Some people said a toilet-themed burger would actually nauseate our customer base," said head of Burger King marketing Hoot McCall. "But at Burger King, we don't listen to a big ad agency to tell us what our customers like. We leave that to a guy in Plattsmouth, Nebraska named B.C."

"Yeah I came up with the idea, although the name they picked sucks ass," B.C. said, sucking his teeth and looking up at the sky. "If you ask me, the marketing writes itself on this baby. Just call it the Dump Burger. Boom, you're done. I guess those suits from corporate can suck my balls on this one. But they paid me in food discounts, so that ain't so bad."

To continue reading the saga of B.K. Bob click here.

Randy loved the job

but disagreed with the paint scheme.

Masturbating Moonshiner Explodes In Ball Of Fire

Naked Flaming B.C. Races Through Downtown Plattsmouth

Plattsmouth (NE) - Local flapjacker and purported ugly bumper B.C. was severely injured yesterday when an illegal still he constructed out of a garden hose, a fishtank, and several badly worn pocket pussies exploded in a ball of fire that could be seen as far away as Glenwood.

B.C. was attempting to produce a crude variety of moonshine by fermenting lime wedges and uneaten martini olives he scavenged from his job at a local country club. Turned on by the sight of his clandestine pocket pussy moonshine operation, B.C. stripped naked, turned on his CD of Sade and Jim Brickman covering Anita Baker songs, and began oiling himself down with his horny anxious hands.

After several minutes of intense slinky grasping, B.C. became so sexually excited that he walked over to the still and began humping not the exhausted pocket pussies but instead the mash of pulpy gray slurry of lime wedges and olive carcasses. Suddenly, the friction of B.C. violently pumping the slimy fermenting mixture caused the entire mess to burst into flames, quickly engulfing B.C.'s chest, arms and throbbing member.

Despite being on fire, B.C. continued masturbating until he achieved orgasm, then took off running down River Road (past a half mile of cool, flame retardant river water) to downtown Plattsmouth where he found a liquor store that could both extinguish the flames and sell him a handle of Cutty Sark. No one was severly injured in the accident.

Have some lunch!

This time
there was no doubt
in Tom's mind;
his psychedelic egg recipe
was a success.

Kyle knew his Mom was crazy

when she started

stabbing his shadow in the forehead.

A scene from a

recent Republican funraiser

PEDRO GRANTED CITIZENSHIP

"Please, take my testicles,

just let me stay in America, eh?"

What's

with

Tom Hank's

hair

on this

new

movie?

No Frills Saves You Money!

You are now a soldier

in the army of Christopher Robin.

Enjoy Disney World!

Warehouse Worker Dies In Freak Chess Accident

Omaha (NE) - Local warehouse worker and tooth sucker Larry Morgensen was killed today when a pallet of travel chess computers fell off the top of a three-story rack and crushed him. Many co-workers expressed similar sentiments: Larry was a happy-go-lucky guy who never had a beef with anyone (except for that Derr guy in the office).

"You don't know what it's like in the warehouse," said Larry's co-worker and friend, Bud. "One time I had a truckload of globe balls come rollin' down the aisle at me. I started running like Indiana Jones but they overcame me and I was knocked to the ground. Those raised relief globes, the ones that show the bumps of the mountains? Those fuckers hurt."

Funeral services for Larry will be held this Saturday at dock 8 down at the warehouse. Complimentary bologna and american cheese tray will be provided. Josh Derr will speak.

MARTIANS ATTACK EARTH!

Turns out they are little green men, but who knew they were pole smokers?