Warehouse Worker Kicks
Office Guy's Ass
Shouldn't Have Talked Shit About
The Swing Shift
Omaha (NE) - Over-worked, under-paid, and exhausted from slinging "candle bras" (candelabras), Larry Morgensen reached the end of his rope. He snapped.
Earlier today, Larry screeched into the parking lot of his employer's corporate office in his '88 Lumina, loped into the lobby and announced "I'm Larry from the warehouse motherfucker and I'm going to kick your motherfuckin' ass!" The day before, Larry's supervisor Bob had written him up (again) for miscounting rooks.
"Me and Bud are going to fucking shit your fucking up!" Larry yelled as he ran towards a group of terrified cube farmers. With a crazed look in his eyes he yelped "I'm from the ware-house motherfucker!" and punched Josh Derr in the face. He then began circling the shocked coworkers, swinging in circles what appeared to be a sack full of doorknobs.
"I don't need this shit," Larry screamed. "You don't know what it's like in the warehouse motherfucker. It's 115 fucking degree in there. I can weld, I can saute, I can fucking lay carpet man, I don't need this shit. Hell with that, man, hell with that."
After several minutes intimidating the office workers, Larry reached into his pocket for his soft pack of Camels and realized he had left them in the Lumina. He dropped the doorknobs and backed out of the lobby door, pointing at the people and yelling, "Fuck all you guys. You don't know what what it's like in the warehouse.
The microwave in our break room is from 1977 motherfucker, that things got no buttons, just one big dial, and the timer's broken so you gotta stand there and watch your burrito cook. One time, this guy Randy, he forgot about his burrito and the burrito caught on fire and Rick tried to put out the fire but he couldn't so we all snuck out and pretended like it wasn't us but then Bud got caught red-handed walking out of the break room and Bob said he'd kick him down to Returns if he didn't fess up so Bud told Bob that Randy had done it and Bob told Randy that he was gonna have to print out packing slips for two weeks. That fucker was pissed off!"
The microwave in our break room is from 1977 motherfucker, that things got no buttons, just one big dial, and the timer's broken so you gotta stand there and watch your burrito cook. One time, this guy Randy, he forgot about his burrito and the burrito caught on fire and Rick tried to put out the fire but he couldn't so we all snuck out and pretended like it wasn't us but then Bud got caught red-handed walking out of the break room and Bob said he'd kick him down to Returns if he didn't fess up so Bud told Bob that Randy had done it and Bob told Randy that he was gonna have to print out packing slips for two weeks. That fucker was pissed off!"
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