World's Most Ineligible Bachelor
Omaha (NE) - In a stunning and rare public statement today, the entire female human race announced that "a consensus has been reached that Omaha native Josh Derr is beyond a shadow of a doubt the most undesirable single male on the planet."
The group cited a laundry list of reasons to back up their claim, including (but not limited to) Derr's disgustingly flabby, pale physique, his status as a single father of three boys, a 1994 vasectomy preventing him from creating new babies, an deplorable credit rating including a bankruptcy and car reposession, a bullshit Bachelor's of Science degree in Film, pungent foot fungus, an inability to swim, mild herpes, excessive nose picking, drug addiction, and generally poor yard maintenance.
"We felt strongly that we needed speak as one and enlighten those that are fooled by Derr's pearly smile and occasional wit," a spokesman for every woman on earth said. "We feel confident that Josh Derr is a fungus toed bottom feeding film slacker and we want to make sure that everyone puts it in his face as much as possible."
No comments:
Post a Comment