Man Who Ate Self Gets New Lease On Life
Torso Guy Scores Big On Plane Crash Tragedy
Omaha(NE)- Freakish local Head and Torso and purported midnight toker B.C. got a new lease on life yesterday after a plane carrying a gay model, a bodybuilder, Canadian porn star Christine Young, and local crap band 3 Day Meat Sale crashed in a field outside of Plattsmouth.
The plane, piloted by local moron G.W. Venteicher, was carrying the passengers to the grand re-opening of Moby Dick water park next to I-80 Interstate. B.C. was among the first to arrive at the scene. Surveying the limb-strewn field before him, he decided that he could use the severed body parts to replace those that he had cannablized from his own body months before.
Using nothing more than some 12 guage speaker wire, a moist towlette and an upholstery grade sewing machine, B.C. successfully wove the new flesh to his torso and head, doing such a fine job that even his own mother couldn't tell the difference. But...why the breast?
"I'm all about the tig 'ole bitties," B.C. proclaims proudly. "Plus the tit acts as a kick stand when I sleep on my side at night. It's really quite comfortable."
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