Professor Lunch

Man Breeds Giant Dog
Neighborhood Children Disappearing

Omaha (NE) - Mixing new breeds of dogs is fashionable these days, with unusual combinations such as Labrapoos, Pitzus, and Doberman Shepherds commanding top dollar at kennels across the country. That's what compelled Omaha native Doug Henry to set out on the ambitious task of breeding the world's first giant dog.
"In the beginning we drew a lot of media attention and were guests on every television show from Leno to The Joy of Painting," Henry reminisces. "It was an amazing story. But eventually we became yesterday's news and suddenly the dog food sponsorships and enormous chew toy donations dried up. Coincidentally, that's when the children began disappearing."
As child after child mysteriously disappeared, Omahans began to keep their children indoors, playgrounds grew deserted, and Henry's giant dog became the prime suspect.

"The freakin' dog actually had bows and pieces of backpack stuck in its teeth," says neighbor Randy Jones. "And still, people were like, 'Oh no, not the giant dog, it's such a sweetheart'. I was like, are you crazy? Little shoes pepper that dog's shit like undigested corn niblets."